update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
