dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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