I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he just fucked me for my cheese.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
