Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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