does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
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