My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
