I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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