You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
