look no pants
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
a search helicopter?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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