I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
