I love black thongs
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
3pm strippers are depressing
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
