i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
