i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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