we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
