i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize