Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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