Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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