I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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