I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
