I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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