yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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