I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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