There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
