someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
