Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
