I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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