my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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