you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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