New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
