how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
