is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We need a shit load of segways right now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
