I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
