If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
