i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How external is "for external use only"?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
