I accidentally had phone sex last night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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