i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she woke up with a sticky ear
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
