Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
