I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
