I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
