Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
