Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
