I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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