like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
