HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
