The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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