Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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