why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
