I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
