...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
