Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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