The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
