my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
two words...techno handjob
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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