If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drunk is not a location!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
