You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
