She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
