My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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