Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
