I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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