don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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