He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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