whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize