I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
