We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
