shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You may now shotgun with the bride
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
