Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
