theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Randomize
