he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
