I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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