Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
