its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
