Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
