More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
